5 Things to Consider Before Getting a Dog
There’s a very specific moment no one prepares you for. You’re feeling sexy. The lighting is right. Your boyfriend looks like a snack. You’re about to make questionable but satisfying decisions. And then…
You hear it.
Panting. Snoring. Nails clicking dramatically on the floor like it’s a one-dog tap performance.
You look over. There he is. Spencer. Watching. Judging. Breathing like he pays rent.
And just like that… the boner is gone. Dead. Buried. Funeral held (read more about How Our Puppy Killed the Bone(r))
Which brings me to something no one says out loud when you’re thinking about getting a dog. It’s not just cute walks and Instagram moments. It’s a full personality shift, but with fur.
So before you run out and adopt your own little chaos machine, here are five things you really need to think about.
1. Your Sex Life Will Be… Observed
Let’s start here. Because this is where the real damage happens. Dogs don’t respect privacy. At all.
Closed doors are suspicious. Sounds are concerning. Movement is a reason to investigate immediately.
Spencer doesn’t just exist in the house. He supervises. Intensely. There is eye contact where there should never be none.
And suddenly you’re not in the mood anymore. You’re in a live episode of “why is my dog staring at me like that?”
You’ve been warned.
2. You Are No Longer the Main Character
You think you are. You’re not. The dog is.
Your schedule will be adjusted, and plans will become flexible. Your entire personality now includes phrases like “he hasn’t pooped yet.”
You used to wake up with morning wood and think about coffee. Or your day. Or literally anything else. Now it’s “did he eat, did he sleep, is he judging me for my life choices again?”
Spencer runs our house like a tiny, muscled dictator with an attitude problem…and we let him.
3. Your House Will Never Be Clean Again
You can clean. You will clean…it will not matter. Hair. Everywhere.
Smell always subtle but present. Toys scattered like emotional clutter. You’ll light candles. Open windows. Spray things that promise miracles. And Spencer will walk in, fart once, and reset the entire vibe.
Honestly, impressive.
4. You Will Talk About Your Dog… A Lot
You think you won’t be that person, but you will. You will show pictures and tell stories no one asked for. Conversations will be interrupted with “wait, look at this one.”
And the worst part? You won’t even feel shame.
Because in your mind, Spencer isn’t just a dog. He’s a full personality. A lifestyle. A tiny, muscled legend. And if we’re being honest… he has more charisma than at least half the people in your contacts.
5. Your Freedom Will Quietly Disappear
No one tells you this part in a way that really lands. You don’t just “have a dog.” You are now on a schedule that doesn’t care about your mood, your hangover, or your spontaneous plans.
Late nights should be planned. Sleeping in…forget it. A quick weekend away? Suddenly a full logistical operation.
Spencer doesn’t ask for much. Just our time. All the time. On his terms.
And somehow… we give it.
And Yet… It’s Still Worth It
Because in between the chaos, the lack of freedom, the moments where you question your own decisions… there’s something else.
You come home and he’s there. Excited like you’ve been gone for years. No bad mood. No attitude. Just pure, slightly unhinged happiness.
He doesn’t care what you did that day, what you look like and he doesn’t care if your life is a mess.
To him, you’re everything. And that kind of love? It hits different.
So yes, your freedom takes a hit. Your routine changes. Your house is no longer fully yours.
But somehow, it all feels better with him in it.
So tell me Shitizen, are you ready to lose a bit of your freedom… and gain something that actually feels like home?
